I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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