please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize