So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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