how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
