i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
