From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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