I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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