Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
