Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
