I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
