Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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