he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
vagina is talking i cant
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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