He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
