i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
