He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize