Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
