You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
