Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
