Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
