thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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