Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
