she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
