The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
youre lurking in front of me
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
