My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
