I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
