he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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