@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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