I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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