How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
