If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
