i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize