I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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