ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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