carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
