So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
