I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
