Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
