: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
