Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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