Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
