So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize