Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
