I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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