I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
vagina is talking i cant
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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