i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
