If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
