I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he fucked my hip out of place.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
