I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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