So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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