My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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