Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
