U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
