i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
