I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
