the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize