WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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