That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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