why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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