I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
