we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
