my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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