I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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