I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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