guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize