i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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