dude i'm inner monologue high
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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