New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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