Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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