The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
